So, you are a savvy fantasy football veteran lady that makes all the men in your league weirdly nervous because you are sneaky good! This post isn’t for you but read anyway because maybe you have a great tip to add! Okay back to my first timers! You are in a room with a bunch of dudes or on a computer with the little chat in the corner blowing up with fart jokes-
Tip #1– IGNORE THEM! They don’t know anything even if they “think” they do! They probably drafted LeVeon Bell last year and blamed him for their terrible season…but you are smarter than that (sidebar I met LeVeon Bell in an elevator at the Omni Hotel in Pittsburgh in 2016, total sweetie)!
Tip #2– you will see rankings for each player on the draft board, if you are using YAHOO, you can mostly trust them, but any other site your drafting on (I’m looking at you ESPN) is WILDLY wrong. If you are drafting on ESPN, first you must rethink this group of friends or family because they are already terrible at fantasy football, second, immediately consult outside ratings if you haven’t already, and third, tell everyone in your league how much you despise ESPN and you aren’t playing next year unless its YAHOO (wink wink this will make you seem like a total pro and honestly you’re doing everyone a favor).
Tip #3– this is not a secret, but I am here to tell you under no circumstance do you take a QB in the first few rounds (let’s say 1-3 to be safe, but honestly 4-5 to me is still a tad early). Do not fall for the trap, do not panic if someone else does (they will- they always do), and do not worry because there are more QBs than players in your league so there will be no shortage of QBs come Round 5.
Tip #4– I personally believe in a league without kickers and I thank my friends for being geniuses and recognizing a season of agony should not rest on the foot of a kicker, BUT your league probably does and I cannot stress enough to draft kickers and defense in the late rounds- not last but late. Save the final few garbage rounds for fun names and retired players such as my friend Ryan’s favorite, Marshawn Lynch.
Tip #5– I have spent a lot of time telling you NOT to draft players, but there will be about 2 hours of your night where the point is to select players so let’s discuss. Again, these aren’t secrets but running backs and wide receivers are your top round targets. A really studly tight end like my airport dreamboat Zach Ertz (see pic below) are exceptions because they are truly pass-catching, TD scoring machines. Rob Gronkowski is retired so no one should be drafting a TE round 1 (been there, done that, Rob was hurt EVERY WEEK). Try to populate your bench with a mix of good RBs, WRs, and avoid too many players on one team or all on BYE week at the same time.
This brings us to tip #6, how to survive the Bye Week Blues. There will unavoidably come a week where you have your best RB, WR, and maybe even QB on a bye. Fear not, the waiver wire is there for you, as are your bench players. If you draft wisely, this week will hurt less but everyone in your league is feeling this same pain at some point or another, it is the inevitable terror of your beloved players being allowed to rest for a week (I know, so rude, don’t they know we need them?).
Finally, tip #6, it’s draft morning aka Christmas morning, and you check the sports news to make sure you are on the up and up with injuries and suspensions. The day rolls along and now it’s 8 pm and you settle down in your PJs to draft. CHECK THAT NEWS ONE MORE TIME, better yet, get a twitter, if you have a twitter, follow Ian Rapppppaport and Adam Schefter and all the good NFL reporters of the world because you will live and die by late-breaking player news. Don’t stop after tonight, check that twitter on Thursdays to make sure you don’t botch your lineup! Check again Sundays, and check up until 1 pm, because a questionable player can be ruled out righhhhhht at the start of the game and that big 0 on your roster will HURT.
Okay everyone, good luck as we all embark on the painful journey of injuries and underperformance!