The Replacements (for Monday Night Football)

We have finally been freed from the miserable broadcast that is ESPN’s Monday Night Football booth featuring the insufferable Booger McFarland and the average Joe Tessitore. Losing Jason Witten was an improvement, but losing the whole gang felt like the only answer to competing with the likes of Tony Romo who they tried to pry away from CBS. Booger is the perfect mix of a modern Perd Hapley from Parks and Rec and Michael Ian Black’s sports tweets, consistently stating the obvious and redundant ways. We are in search of a new pair of commentators that have great chemistry, are somewhat current and cool, can capture the attention of both young and old, but also brings that IT factor. We have compiled a list of some of the less obvious but clearly great choices and what they might bring to the game (we are completely ignoring the roles of play-by-play and color analyst for this exercise):

The Cuomo brothers

Never have two brothers from New York been universally fawned over the way the Governor of New York, Andrew, and his CNN anchor brother, Chris, have taken over the media. Sure, our love has grown out of a pandemic, but sign up these two and their childhood stories and playful jabs to take the booth on Monday nights! It would be a stern broadcast with the occasional lighthearted moment before going back to business.

Will Ferrell and Cheri Oteri

If we want to bring some fun to Monday nights, Will and Cheri are a no brainer. Both are timeless SNL legends, but even more, they have hilarious chemistry both on and off the stage. Will has plenty of broadcasting experience (Anchorman, Jeopardy), and the two previously hosted the show Morning Latte together (SNL). We also can cut the cheerleaders since they bring their own Spartan Spirit…


The Real Housewives of New York City

“Woah! There goes that guy with the bawl, he better catch him or else he might score, woah! I can’t see their faces how can we tell if they’re cute? I just want to meet a cute guy okkkayy?” We would be wildly uninformed but also wildly entertained. At this point, I’d take that. Other things I can guarantee these ladies would provide include complete mispronunciation of names, misuse of common phrases, male objectification, and a strong objection to tattoos.

Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper

This New Year’s Eve duo brings the total package of hosting experience, personality, and lack of football knowledge. I would only bring these two in if we could ensure Andy would take a shot of tequila every quarter like he does every hour leading up to midnight.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

I heard they recently took a royal pay cut so maybe they are looking to pick up a new side hustle broadcasting football on Monday nights. Harry and Meghan check a few of the important boxes, they are young, they would bring the ratings since the world is obsessed with them, they have lots of famous friends, and Harry has a British accent. Who knows, maybe Meghan is a closet football-head. Let’s get them in the booth.


Honorable mentions include Kathy Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb (give these gals their morning wine and let it roll), Tom Colicchio and Padma Lakshmi (“did you meannnn to fumble that ball at the 1-yard line?” The sarcastic judgement would be welcomed), and Tina Fey and Amy Poehler because let’s be honest I will watch anything they host (are my comedy heroes aging me? Maybe). These are a just a few “outside the box” choices, but the actual candidates for the analyst position may include Pennridge’s own, Louis Riddick, another guy with Philly-ties, Dan Orlovsky (his wife is from Philly), and fan favorite but unlikely candidates, Pat McAfee and Peyton Manning (not necessarily together). Brian Griese worked one of the double-header MNF games in 2019 with Steve Levy, who is also a candidate for the play-by-play role, making these two a more likely pairing. Who do you want to see broadcast Monday Night Football?


You might also like

No Comments

Leave a Reply